Finding Matt Engarde
by MelodiousNocturneGirl
Summary: How did Matt become the man he ended up being? What's the story behind his scars? Was he ever capable of loving? This is Mattew Engarde and this is his story.
1. Chapter 1

**Melo: Hey guys, I know I'm supposed to be writing my Chasing Shadows fics but I really, REALLY wanted to write this fic. Truth be told I'm absolutely in love with Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney's Matt Engarde. He's absolutely gorgeous and I hated the fact that they made him a demon-movie star. I'm writing a fic here about Matt and the ending is differently but it explains why Matt is how he is. In a way it's a cross between Phoenix Wright and CSI: Crime Scene Investigations (but I changed the name of the characters, but they're based on the characters like Gil, Catherine, etc.). I know it doesn't sound like it'd happen but its true. You'll see later, I promise. OK, I'll definitely say it's better than you think it is. OK, I'm done, so please read and review. **

**Finding Matt Engarde**

**Chapter 1: **

**Abuse**

**Warning: This fic contains child abuse, cussing (which is really just symbols but you should be able to figure it out), and attempted rape, don't like, don't read.**

A four year old boy ran through a small house. The house itself was a jungle and a wreck, plates stacked up in the nasty sink, clothes everywhere, and the smell of rot, dirty clothes, and fecal matter filled the entire house. It would've choked anyone not used to living in the filth. The house itself was small, one living room, one bathroom, one kitchen, two bedrooms (but one was used as an office) and one closet. There were four people that lived there: A man in his thirties, a twelve year old boy, a four year old boy, and a large Doberman pinscher. Well, so there were three people living there but the dog practically counted. It ate off the table and slept in a bed, where as the children had to sleep on the couch or on the floor. That's how it always has been.

At the moment, the Doberman, named Tiger was sleeping in a gunny sack while the man of the house hold laid on the couch flipping through channels on the TV. He wore a dirty, stained undershirt that had gone from white to grey with red, orange, and dark stains on it. He wore ripped up jeans and no socks. His hair was a dirty blond that was indeed matted and flies zoomed around his head as well as they zoomed around the dog. He grumbled about that there was nothing on TV as he flipped through the channels.

"JAMES!!!" He bellowed without removing his eyes from the TV, "GET YOUR %&$ DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW!!!"

As if on cue a skinny boy with reddish gold hair came from a room in the back of the house. He was clearly underfed and his clothes were ragged and too big for his body. He had different shades of bruises all over his body. Some were yellowish-green while others were dark black. Some were fresh, some were old. He limped towards the older man, his bare feet bleeding from walking over broken glass, nails, and who knows what else. His hair, like the older mans, was matted but longer. His eyes would be beautiful if it weren't for the fact that fear was shown in them and they were bags under them.

"Yes, daddy?" He asked without noticing what he had said.

A hand swung forth and slapped him across the face sending him flying against the wall. The boy yelped as he hit the wall, tears forming in his eyes, but there were few. He was, apparently, used to it. The Doberman was now growling and barking, but the man paid no attention to the giant dog. The boy rolled up in a ball as if trying to disappear from everything around him. Despite his size, James was a twelve year old boy, but he looked way younger.

The man stood up, "You're a big boy now James." He said mockingly as he walked towards the small figure. James flinched and inched away at each footstep, "You don't use the words like 'daddy' and 'mommy'." By now he was above the young boy. He grabbed him by the scruff of his shirt and lifted him up to eye level and then slammed him against the wall, the sound echoing everywhere in the house. James moaned a little but that was it. The Doberman was on its feet now and barking like mad.

"M-Matt..." James moaned, not looking at his father.

His dad's eyes went wide, "Matt? Matt?! You're talking about your baby brother? That piece of $%&#?!! That...That murderer?!"

James shook his head, "Don't hurt him... Please don't hurt him."

His father laughed, "Don't hurt him? He's a murderer James. He killed your mother. He killed my wife."

James started shivering in his fathers arms, "It wasn't his fault. You can't blame him."

The laughter got louder and the dogs barking got louder as well, "He murdered my wife!!! By coming into this world, he murdered my wife!! And now, he's going to pay."

He threw James aside and the dog attacked the small boy, biting at his arms and legs, but not going for the throat. Tiger was trained not to do so. He was trained to torture, not kill.

James' father walked towards the back of the house, where Matt was playing. James tried to jump to his feet to save his brother but the dog kept coming for him. He kicked the Doberman in the face and took off towards the back of the house, "MATT RUN!!!!"

All he could do was cry for his little brother to run. As he staggered down the hallway he heard screams to stop and crying. James tried his hardest to locate where the sound was. Tears were streaming down his face; he was begging that Matt was alright. He tried the bathroom, there was nothing. He tried to open one of the bedrooms, the one that was still used for a bedroom but there was nothing. The last room was the office. The screams were the loudest in there. James banged on the bedroom door with his fists, "LET HIM GO!! PLEASE LET HIM GO!!! HE'S A CHILD!!!! LET HIM GO!!!! LET! HIM! GO!"

There was a crash of glass breaking and then a scream. The sounds of multiple objects breaking in the room were heard. James could here footsteps, as if one were chasing another. Little screams echoed from the room. James knew they belonged to Matt. He turned to a growl and knew that Tiger was madder than ever. The large Doberman was angry and his teeth were showing. Drool slightly dripped from it's mouth and to the eight year old boy, the eyes seemed to be glowing red. James backed up against the wall, knowing he was cornered. The dog took steps towards the boy slowly, head ducked down and fangs still showing. James' heart pounded within his chest and fear was etched on his face. Not only was there fear for Matt's survival, but fear for himself now. James was never a selfish boy, he always put Matt before him and this instance would be no different.

He grabbed the doorknob and twisted it hoping that the door would open. He knew that the locks on the house weren't all that great and that if he messed with it long enough, the door would open. Tiger noticed what James was doing and started running full speed at James. Sweat was dripping down James' face and he panicked. He slammed himself against the door multiple times and when he turned back around to look at Tiger, the dog had jumped into the air, aiming to hit him. James jumped out of the way and the dog slammed into the door opening it up.

When James looked inside his heart started once again pounding in his chest. Matt was covered in blood and his father was slowly pulling the little boys pants off, his other hand covering Matt's mouth. The four year old tried to scream, but could do nothing. He was being over powered. Matt turned his head to see his older brother looking at him with horror and he stretched one of his hands out towards James for help. Without knowing what he was doing James threw himself at his father knocking him onto the ground. Matt sat up on the table, tears streaming down his cheeks like a river. James continued to fight his father, trying to hold him down.

Their father, who by the way was drunk, called out for the Dobermans help, "TIGER!!! GET 'EM TIGER!!!"

Matt, who was frozen like ice from fear, looked at the big dog expecting it to come after him, but noticed that the dog was lying motionless against the door. Hitting the door at the speed that he did had knocked the dog out cold. Slowly and delicately Matt pulled his small jeans back on him, no harm having come to his body besides being chased around the room, thrown into a vase, and bumping his head on lots of objects trying to escape. His body was shivering and his usually beautiful golden-brown eyes were wide and terrified, much like his older brother. The four year old was moving slowly, unable to comprehend what was going on but he knew that the situation was indeed terrible. He flinched as he touched his own body, and when he looked down he finally noticed that his hands and his feet were bleeding immensely. His eyes went wider then they already were, if that was physically possible, and the boy was slowing going into shock. He started whimpering and gasping.

"H-help me...Help me... Help me..." He whispered to himself.

Just then there was a crash and Matt saw a jar break over his brother's head and cover his father's body. He panicked and went to help but his brother pushed him out of the way, "No Matt! Run! Get away from here! Go outside and hide! I'll find you! I promise!" The older boy struggled with his drunken father as the older man threatened to end his life and to torture him and cuss words were spilling out of his mouth.

James looked at his brother, "Run, Matt! I don't know how much longer I can hold him!" Matt, still slightly frozen in place, was now on his feet and stared in horrified awe at the scene in front of him. He saw his older brother crying with tiny rivers of blood coming from his mouth.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING MATT?! JUST RUN!!" The voice was loud and commanding. This time, little Matt was able to find himself and he broke into a run down the hallway after jumping over the limp body of the dog. He wasn't willing to stay around and find out what was going to happen to his brother but he followed his brothers commands like a soldier does for a drill sergeant. Matt ran as fast as his little feet would take him. He had ran through the front door and slammed it shut, tears streaking down his face and he was breathing hard. He ran over broken glass, crying and whimpering 'ow, ow, ow' as his feet hit the sharp objects. He ran down the sidewalk, not being able to get too far because he was weak, tired, and a four-year old boy. He was confused and didn't know where to go. No cars passed by seeing as they lived in the darker parts of town. Nobody was on the sidewalk except for him. It was dark as well, probably around 9:30 or 10:00 at night. The little boy was beyond terrified. He didn't know what was going on and he didn't know what his father was going to do to him. His older brother had always changed his diapers, but he didn't use diapers anymore, he used pull-ups. So what WAS his father going to do to him and why did he cover his mouth? Why did he threaten him not to tell anyone about what was going to happen? Matt was so confused with so many questions running through his head, but he knew one thing for sure: He couldn't stop running. His life depended on it.

He continued to run to an old run-down park that he played at every once in a while with his brother. Everything was old and rusted and nobody would go play there or fear that something would break and hurt their children. He often wondered why people would worry. His daddy never worried about him, nor did he worry about his brother. It was unusual to see adults hold their children tightly against them when they were crying. The hugged them and kissed them as well. Matt's daddy never did these things. He either ignored him or beat him, one of the two. Before he knew it, Matt couldn't run any longer. His body was becoming tired. But he had to hide, just like his brother had told him too. He cried silently to himself as he looked around the park for places to hide. He couldn't hide in the sand box, that wasn't going to hide him. Although it was tempting; because Matt really enjoyed playing in the sand box. He looked around again, tears blurring his vision. He wiped them away on his sleeve. Like his brother, Matt's clothes were way too big for his body. His pants weren't baggy but they didn't quite fit. His shirt was too big and the sleeves were too long. You couldn't see his hands unless he rolled the sleeves up.

Matt looked around and saw a big silver, or what used to be silver, slide. It didn't have a cover on it though, so that wouldn't be a good place to hide. He continued looking around, sniffing and hiccupping, wanting someone to hold him when he saw it. There was a large tube slide towards the back of the park. There was tape surrounding it saying 'Caution' and a piece of paper taped to the slide that said 'RIDE NOT SAFE! PROHIBIT USE! DANGEROUS FOR CHILDREN!" But seeing as Matt couldn't read, he ducked down under the tape and ran up the rusted steps into the slide. He sat down, his feet now bleeding with dirt and rust and who knows what else on them. He cried to himself, but fairly loudly. His feet hurt, his arms hurt, his head hurt, heck, everything hurt. He pulled his knees up to his chest and buried his head in his arms. The tears were running freely. His reddish-golden hair was going every-which-way. He didn't care though. All he wanted was his big brother. James always made him feel special. There was multiple times where James would run and grab Matt and pull him into the closet, safely tucked away from their father when he was in a drunken rampage. James would always play with Matt and anytime that Matt didn't feel like he was safe, or anytime Matt was hurt or crying he was there for him. Matt loved James more than he loved anything. James was his savior. Without James, Matt wouldn't know what to do.

Matt was pulled from his memories when lightning crashed and thunder rolled along with rain pouring down over the slide like a waterfall. Matt screamed amongst the rain and even though he wasn't getting to wet, there were cracks where some rain was dripping on him, he couldn't see the ground anymore at the bottom of the slide the rain was so thick. Matt hated the rain, or really, he hated the thunder and lightning. It frightened him. James would always rush into the room, whether Matt was crying, sitting on the couch, or sleeping and hold his younger sibling. He cuddled him and rocked him back and forth, back and forth, whispering to Matt that everything would be OK. He'd sing to him as well. Even though James never went to school and never took lessons, James could sing like an angel. It was a natural talent of his. Matt on the other hand couldn't sing very well, but James would always tell him that he could do anything if he put his heart and mind to it.

The lightning crashed again and again. Matt screamed and yelped begging for James to appear at any given time. He was cold and shivering and the rain wasn't letting up any time soon. He pulled his shirt over his head and hid inside his own clothes. It was warmer that was for sure, but yet he continued to shiver. The little boy couldn't bear much more. Where was James? Was he alright? Matt left before he could see the outcome of the fight. James had never attacked their dad before. Of course, he taken a beating in place of Matt, but nothing like this ever happened. Matt looked back at the way he came and noticed that water was seeping towards him. Like at the bottom of the slide the water was so thick he couldn't see two inches out. Matt panicked. What if something happened to James and he couldn't find him? What if James was hurt from their dad beating him? Whatever the reason, Matt pulled his shirt back on and crawled back out into the hard, cold rain. The rain felt like needles against his body as he walked back the way he came, down the rusted steps and now, instead of dirt, through the mud and muck. He crawled back under the tape and started walking around aimlessly.

"JAMES!!!" He called, "BIG BROTHER!!! WHERE ARE YOU?!"

He couldn't tell if tears were running down his face or if it was the rain. After wandering around for a while he tripped over his own two feet and landed in the mud. He yelped and cried as he landed in the wet, mushy substance. Now he knew it was tears running down his face. He was covered in mud, head to toe. He thanked himself for always slicking his hair back for the four years he'd been alive. James had always commented that Matt would look 'cool' if he had bangs, but Matt never agreed to it. He rolled in the mud only to notice how weak he was. He wasn't able to get up for anybody or anything. He sobbed n the mud and yelped again in pain when something sticking up from the ground ripped at his legs. He looked down to see a large piece of glass. But Matt didn't care, he was miserable. He felt that James wasn't going to come for him. He was alone and scared with nobody there to hold him. Not even James, who had been with him his entire life. He tried to get up again, only to slip and fall into the mud. Out of frustration Matt pounded the grounds with his fist and flung mud everywhere. Nobody would've been able to see him, not even his father unless he had tripped over him. Matt was camouflaged by the rain. His screams could hardly be heard.

A few minutes, but what seemed like hours to Matt, later a person appeared behind Matt. He wasn't able to see them nor did he care, but the figure came running at him. A hand grabbed his shoulder and Matt thrashed around trying to get away but to know use. He was too tired to thrash and his throat hurt too much to scream. The person picked up the fighting body and held him in both arms, like a mother does a baby.

"Matt! Quit struggling! It's me, James!"

Matt somehow was able to hear the shouts from the loud thunder and the hard rain and looked up into the eyes of his elder brother. He automatically wrapped his arms around his older brother's neck and sobbed into his shoulder. James was here! He was finally here! His brother didn't forget him at all! James held the little boy in his arms and carried him back towards the large tube slide. He ducked under the tape and carried his brother up the steps, which squeaked under their combined weight, and carried him back inside the slide. There was a small puddle of water underneath them but James could care less if his clothes were wet. They were both already soaked to the bone. James sat on the puddle and held four-year old Matt in his arms. The child cried, sobbed, and hiccupped in his arms. Matt buried his face in his brother's chest and squirmed in his arms.

"Shhh....it's alright, Mattie." The older boy continued to rock his brother back and forth using the nickname he picked out for his brother, hoping it would calm him down, "It's alright." He stroked the boy's long hair and kissed his cheek and then continued rocking him. The boy's sobs slowed down and turned into cries only. The older boy, an Angel of Music, hummed a lullaby to the little one and rubbed his back. He hummed Matt's favorite song "Baby Mine" from the movie _Dumbo._ This calmed Matt down quite a bit however, he was still shivering. James held him in his lap and then remembered that he had brought a bag with him. It was their mother's bag before she had died and she had given it to James a couple of days before she died. It used to be a baby bag, full of diapers, formula, bottles, and such but now it held a couple of T-shirts in case of something like this, or really in case Matt had been playing in the rain, some small pants, some pull-ups, seeing as their father never gave them attention Matt wasn't completely potty trained and every once in a while would have an accident, some toys and Matt's old blanky and a pillow. During the fight, James had been able to knock his dad out by running his dad into a table. After that he had run towards the front door, Tiger was beginning to wake up so he definitely had to book it. He stopped himself upon hearing the rain and snuck towards the bathroom, trying not to wake Tiger up anymore and grabbed the bag and filled it up with some clean-ish clothes and grabbed some pull-ups. Running back towards the front room he grabbed a red blanket and pillow off the couch and left the house, careful not to slam the door. He knew exactly where his brother would've gone and that was the park. The park was Matt's favorite place to go to. James remembered how Matt would beg him to take him to the park almost everyday. It was on rainy days or super hot days that Matt didn't even bother trying. James remembered how he'd push his little brother on the swing but never too high because Matt had a tiny fear of heights. He grinned at the thought of the past. Even though Matt and him didn't have a good home life, there were plenty of times that they had fun together. Their father didn't put them through school, whether he couldn't afford it or whether he didn't care, James would never know. It probably was a bit of both.

The lightning struck the sky and the thunder boomed so loud, Matt screamed. James pulled him closer to his body and continued to rock him, "Hey, it's OK Mattie. Don't cry. I'm here."

Matt sniffed, "Jamie?" The older brother hummed in response, "Will you sing that lullaby to me?" The younger boy looked up at his older brother with pleading in his eyes.

James looked down and smiled whipping both of Matt's cheeks, clearing the tears from Matt's face, "Of course Mattie."

James began to rock Matt again and looked up the top of the slide as he sang the words to the song:

**"Baby Mine, don't you cry,**

** Baby mine, dry your eyes.**

** Rest your head close to my heart, **

** Never to part.**

** Baby of Mine.**

** Little one when you play**

** Don't you mind what they say**

** Let those eyes, sparkle and shine**

** Never a Tear**

** Baby of Mine."**

Matt's eyes slowly drooped to his brother's lyrical singing. His brother was an amazing singer and listening to him just at that moment proved it. James rubbed Matt's back and continued his song until Matt had gone to sleep. He again smiled and was happy to see that the weather and rain were dying down. Not that he didn't mind the rain, but it scared Matt and if it scared Matt, James didn't want anything to do with it. He looked down at Matt to see the young boy curled up in his arms, his chest rising and falling rhythmically, his head on his chest, and his small tiny thumb stuck in his mouth. James brushed a few strands of hair out of his little brothers face, which cause the young boy to twitch a tad bit and then fall back into place.

James sighed; they would have to go back to their father. There was no where else for them to go. They couldn't stay at the park; people would probably be there in the morning. The police couldn't do anything about their dad because he was so violent and if they took them away from their dad they would more or likely go to an Orphanage where, again more than likely be separated into two different families. That made James' chest hurt, the thought just killed him. Being separated from Matt would be a never-ending nightmare. Matt needed him, as well as vice-versa. James couldn't bear to be separated from Matt. They were family, and families stuck together for ever. But didn't that mean that they'd have to deal with their father forever? James shuddered; he didn't want to think about. Now he knew that their father, Michael Heidger was an abusive father, but he was a child-rapist, a sexual abuser as well. How had their loving mother come to love him? Their mother loved more than anyone he had ever known. Michael was the same way until their mother died. So why the sudden change? Wasn't their father smart enough to know that Matt wasn't a murderer? He was an infant! A baby can't be claimed murderer. He doesn't know right from wrong, nor was Matt given the chance. Would that bother Matt? He was four so he didn't comprehend many things, but how will he feel later on in life thinking that he was the reason their mother died? He wouldn't blame himself right? He wouldn't turn out like their dad right? There's no way that Matt would start cutting his wrists or anything! James shook his head, as long as he was around Matt wouldn't have to suffer. He wouldn't let Matt suffer. But if they had to return to their dad...wouldn't that just endanger Matt? James couldn't leave Matt in the care of their dad anymore. His dad would do horrible things to Matt and seeing as he was just a child, which could ruin Matt's life. If it was continual, would Matt fight back anymore? Would he care? Again, James had to shake the idea away from him. Matt wouldn't become such a person. Never!

The rain was stopping and it was way past 10:00. James needed to get some sleep, but what if they're dad appeared? That would end terribly. He sighed, deciding that he couldn't fight sleep and their father wouldn't come looking for him. Both he and Matt were too afraid to tell the police anything about their father for fear of what would happen if the remained in his custody. He laid Matt down and laid down right beside him. Matt instantly cuddled up against his brother with his thumb still in his mouth. Before closing his eyes finally for the night, James listened for Tiger or for the sound of anything coming their way. Slowly and carefully he wrapped his arms around Matt and pulled him into his body for warmth. He grabbed the blanket and pillow from the bag, which was inside the slide with them, and wrapped the blanket around both his and his brother's body and then lifted Matt's head up slowly and placed the pillow underneath his head form comfort. He felt Matt relax quite a bit being in his brothers arms and then slowly fell asleep himself. He prayed that tomorrow would be better and just like the rainy day, things would be blown over and calm again. Silently before his eyes shut he vowed that he wouldn't let his father do anything to Matt. Even if it meant his life.

**TBC....**

**Melo: Alright so how'd you like it? I thought it was pretty sad. Here's the thing, I woke up at 4:00 in the morning thinking of this and having no idea where it came from. This is probably going to be as long as Chasing Shadows. I have it all in my head right now. Please review!!! **


	2. Chapter 2

**Melo: OK, so here's the second chapter of ****Finding Matt Engarde****. I hope you enjoyed the first chapter btw. I know it was seriously depressing though. But yeah, so here it is. Chapter two of ****Finding Matt Engarde.**

**Finding Matt Engarde**

**Chapter 2:**

**Disaster**

It was around eight o'clock when both boys had woken up. Or really it was around eight when James had woken up and was forced to wake Matt up as well. The little boy tried to ignore his older brother's calls to him and rolled over nearly falling down the slide. James had to grab Matt or else he would've slipped down the slide and hurt himself. Matt whined while James grabbed him, not knowing he couldn't hurt himself. James chuckled to himself and pulled the young boy not his lap. James was sitting pretzel style and sat Matt in the center of his curled legs facing him. Matt leaned his head into James' chest and tried to go back to sleep, wrapping his arms around James' body.

James laughed, "Matt it's time to get up honey. C'mon," He shook his brothers shoulders lightly, "It's time to go home."

Matt rubbed his eyes, attempting to get the sleep from them, and groaned, "Jamie...I don't want to go home now."

James sighed, "We have to go home Mattie, we don't have anywhere else to go."

Matt whined and looked away, "Daddy doesn't like me, and I don't wanna go home."

James wrapped his arms around his little brother, "Matt, I know it's hard but we don't have anywhere else to go, you know that. I know that Dad doesn't appear to like us but I bet that if we stayed here long enough he'd come looking for us." James didn't know if he was bluffing there or not. He knew their father doesn't care about them, and if he did come looking it'd be because he'd fear he was going to be going to jail. Then it would be even a worse situation for the two boys if he found them and found out that they didn't call the cops. He'd go ape-nuts on them. Sad, but true.

Matt shook his head, "Daddy wouldn't look for me. He doesn't like me." Tears formed up in the little boys eyes, "He doesn't want me around. He hates me. He tells me I killed momma." The four-year old began to cry. James latched his arms around him, rocking him back and forth, just like last night. Matt was a sensitive boy that was for sure. Anything could just about make him cry.

"Mattie it'll be OK. I promise. Things will be different some day I promise. Whether it's with or without dad."

The little boy looked up into the eyes of his brother, "You think so?"

James wiped the tears from Matt's face, "I don't think so Matt, I know so." He pulled the boy close to him, "I know so."

Seconds later, Matt was at the bottom of the slide while his brother packed the pillow and blanket back into the bag. The blanket was hardly wet, and if so it was from Matt's tears, but the pillow had become a little damp from the small puddle that was formed by the rain. It wasn't exactly a comfortable night, but it was better than staying at home or in the rain. Matt played with a stick in the mud, sitting down on the muddy sidewalk and writing drawing the mud while waiting for his older brother. James was taking his time, but kept an eye on Matt. Whenever the little boy would stray to far away, James would call him back closer to where he was. The little boy didn't argue, only responded. He would walk closer to the slide, waiting until his brother told him it was OK where he was and that he could see him. Matt would then continue to draw in the mud. By the time James came down, little Matt had finished his masterpiece. He ran around his mud-picture and excitedly pulled James towards it.

James laughed, "OK, OK Matt, I'm coming. You don't have to yank my arm off."

Four-year old Matt just giggled and gently led his brother to his picture, "Ta-da!"

James looked down in the mud to see what seemed like a stick figure with a big blob in his hands with stars dazzling around him. There were smaller stick figures around him with happy faces and cheering, "Wow Matt, that's pretty good. Can you tell me what it is detail for detail?"

Matt looked at his brother, "De-tail?"

Again James laughed, "It means could you tell me what it is."

"Ohhhhhh!" Matt stated and then pointed at the big stick figure, "That's me! I'm going to be a big star when I grow up!" He grinned at his brother who smiled back at him.

James pointed to the blob 'Matt' was holding, "And what's that?"

"That's my trophy! All stars have trophies."

"And that?" James asked pointing to the 'crowd'.

"That's my fans." Matt answered, the grin not leaving his face. He pranced around in the mud, "I'm Matt Heidger, the best movie star there is!" He struck a couple of poses which made James laugh. He ran up and swung his brother up onto his shoulders not caring that Matt was covered in mud. Matt squealed in delight.

James ran around with his brother on his shoulders, "Oh Matt you're the best star there is! Can I have your autograph?"

Matt stopped, "What's an autograph big brother?"

James looked up at Matt, "It's where you sign your name on a piece of paper and because you're so famous people will be diving for that piece of paper. It makes people really, really happy to have your signature."

"Oh," Matt sounded down, "But I can't write."

James shrugged one of his shoulders, "I'll help you Matt." Even though James didn't have a good education he still knew how to read and write. That was something that he could teach Matt. He didn't want Matt's dreams to go down like his did. He had a dream too once but he let it shatter at his feet believing that he wouldn't get very far. But Matt was different; he wouldn't let Matt's dreams get washed away, not like his.

"You will?" Matt asked excitedly.

James jumped up and down shaking Matt a bit, and made him laugh, "Of course. But we gotta go home right now. I'll teach you after we get home and get cleaned up. Because you need a bath."

Matt moaned, "I'm that dirty." If one thing was for sure, Matt hated getting baths. Well, he just hated getting wet in general.

"Well, you're wet and dirty and you kinda smell. You have to get clean."

"Hey! I don't smell!" Matt exclaimed.

"Yeah you do!" James added jokingly.

"Nu uh!" Matt argued.

James just laughed and grabbed the bag, "Well either way you're getting a bath. And that's final."

Matt moaned again, "Don't wanna."

James again laughed and slid Matt off his shoulders and gently placed him on the ground, "You can walk, OK?" He swung the bag onto his shoulder, "I've gotta carry this."

Matt grabbed onto his brothers free hand and held on tight, "OK."

It was clear the boy was nervous now. He really didn't want to return home. Usually a home was a safe haven, for Matt and James it was the complete and total opposite. It was a hell. Matt stayed close to his brother the entire walk home. Other children living in the ghetto were running by, more or likely playing games or going to the park themselves. No adults were around except for a few with tiny children like Matt's age. No one stared at one another like they would've if they were in the cleaner part of the city. Everyone was messy looking, and if not it was because they just got out of a bath. The ground was still wet from last night's rain and when the wind blew the trees would shake off some droplets. When they finally reached the house, it looked the same as always. It was a small white house on the outside with old tires and junk in the front yard. There were patches of green grass everywhere with dead grass at most places. Matt shrunk behind his brother hoping that things would just disappear. He didn't want to be there, not now, not ever.

"Do we have to go in, Jamie?" Matt mumbled behind his brother.

"Yes we do, Matt. We do." James said with a sigh, "I know we don't want to but we have too."

Tears welled up in the little boys eyes, "I'm scared big brother." Matt's grip on his brother's hand tightened.

"It'll be OK." James said in reply, "It'll be OK."

They entered their house with the quietness of a mouse. Tiger wasn't around and neither was their dad. James pulled Matt close and walked towards the back of the house towards their father's bedroom. Tiger was sleeping on the bed and their father was awake reading an old magazine.

James took in a deep breath, "Dad, we're home."

Their dad grunted in response, "If you're dirty clean yourselves up. I'm not doing it." James was about to leave with Matt on his tail when his father told them to hold it, "Where have you two been? I was worried about you."

"Matt had gotten lost on his way to the park, don't worry I found him and I'll get him cleaned up." James knew that their father didn't remember anything at all about last night; he was too drunk to remember anything. Matt stayed quiet during the conversation and watched his brother communicate with their father.

Their dad grunted in response, "Get cleaned up then fix me something to eat."

James nodded, "Yes sir."

With that they left the room, Matt stayed close to his brother not looking back at their father. Tiger had locked his eyes on both boys and growled but stayed where he was, their father petting the dogs back to calm him down. James shut the door to let their father be alone in peace. Matt thought about how their father had forgotten all about what had happened. How could that be possible? But than again, their father drank frequently so that probably had to do with it.

"See Matt? I told you things were going to be alright." James smiled down at his brother as he led him down the hallway to the bathroom. Once inside he pulled out some clean clothes out of the bag that hadn't gotten wet. He helped Matt out of his muddy clothes, which he now noticed that both of them had made a trail of footprints wherever they had gone. Before he asked Matt to remove his pampers he noticed that there was a stain on the rear of them.

"Matt, did you have another accident?" James asked him and watched Matt blush, tears again forming in his eyes from embarrassment.

"Y-yeah..." The boy answered softly.

"Hey, calm down, I'm not mad. Don't worry. I have some more pull-ups here for you." James answered.

Matt sniffed, "I'm sorry."

James helped his brother out of his pull-ups, "No, it's OK. Don't cry."

The little boy whimpered but let his brother help him out of the pampers and he watched him throw them away. He walked towards the toilet and grabbed a handful of toilet paper and handed it to James. James, even though it was a dirty job, wiped his brothers dirty bottom and let Matt wipe his front. He threw the dirty toilet paper in the toilet and told Matt to brush his teeth and brush his hair. He went towards the bathtub and cleaned it out. It was full of dirt and Matt's bath toys. The dirt had to be from their father, as well as the hair. He held back urge to throw up from the mildew and everything in the bath tub and pulled out the toys to wash them separately. He grabbed the shower head and turned it on full blast and grabbed some 'Scrubbing Bubbles' and ran it everywhere on the bathtub. He then proceeded by grabbing the toilet brush and scrubbing all the nasty germs, dirt, and hair down the drain, making the bathtub as clean as it could possibly be. He pulled the shower head down towards the bathtub and washed every last bit of it away, making the bathtub clean, except for that fact that it was stained a yellow-ish color rather than a white bathtub. While Matt was still cleaning himself up as best he could, James threw all his toys into a small bucket and washed them as well, then drained the dirty water down the drain.

"Alright, Mattie, time to get wet."

Matt shook his head, "Don't wanna."

James closed the drain and let some warm water flood the bathtub. Not to hot, not to cold, "C'mon Matt, you're already naked and you're dirty. Plus your hair is covered in mud so I'll have to get that out or all your hair will go bye-bye."

Matt scowled, "Fine..."

James laughed, "Just get in the tub." He poured some soap into the bathtub, making bubbles rise instantly. Matt was still reluctant to get in so James had to pick him up and put him in the water.

"No! I don't want to get wet!" He struggled in his brothers arms.

James laughed and plopped the boy in the water, "Well that's just too bad isn't it?"

Matt tried to jump out of the bathtub but his brother held him down, "No, you're not leaving Mattie."

He held the boy down with one hand and placed some toys in the bath with the other. He grabbed a clean wash rag and dipped it in the bathtub, pulling soap up with it and washed the boy's body. Matt didn't struggle but that's not saying he didn't complain either. James scrubbed the boy head to foot, allowing Matt to clean his own private areas, and then proceeded to wash the boy's hair, Matt's least favorite part. James drained the water a bit, as it was getting dirty and full and then grabbed the children conditioner and shampoo from a draw beside the bathtub.

"Put you're back towards me, Matt. I've gotta wash your hair."

"Do we have to do this?" Matt asked impatiently.

James sighed, "Yes Matt, we do. We can't have you stinking up the place."

He grabbed the shampoo and lathered it in his hands before running it through Matt's hair. His brown hair was almost turned black because of all the mud in it. Matt didn't struggle at all during the entire ordeal. Afterwards, James grabbed a clean towel and wrapped it around Matt's cold and shivering body. Matt's hair was pulled back completely and his eyes were once again sparkling. James smiled and towel-dried Matt's hair. He laughed once the towel had been removed. Matt's hair spiked every which way. Matt looked in the mirror and laughed as well.

"I look funny!' He shouted giggling.

"Shhh!" James said, laughing softly as well, "You don't want dad to get mad, right?"

Matt nodded, "Right."

After helping Matt get dressed in some clean clothes James proceeded to comb Matt's hair. He had cleaned out his brush, seeing as Matt didn't have on and brushed the boy's hair. Matt's hair was still tangled, as James thought he would never had un-tangled hair. None of them did. The conditions they lived in didn't permit it. Before Matt could say anything about the way his brother did his hair, James pulled a long bang over Matt's left half of his face.

Matt groaned at his brother, "You know I don't like the bang."

James laughed, "But it makes you look like a movie star, Mattie."

Matt looked up at his brother with his one eye, "Do you really think so?" Excitement ran through the boy's eyes and body.

James grinned, "No, I know so. You'll be the best movie star ever Mattie. I mean look at you!"

Matt looked in the mirror at his new look. It was true; he looked like a young (really young) kid movie star. He was adorable. His long bang gave him some character and everything. James smiled at him in the mirror, "What do you think Matt?"

Matt turned around to face his brother, "I really like it big brother!" He wrapped his arms around the older boy's waist, "Thank you!"

James laughed, "You don't really want to hug me, Mattie. I'm not clean yet. You can either wait in here until I get done or you can go watch some cartoons on TV. I'll be out in a few."

Matt nodded and went out the door to watch some cartoons. James trusted his gut that his father wouldn't try anything in his non-drunken state.

A good twenty or thirty minutes later, James came out of the shower, clean and wet. Matt was sitting on the couch watching an episode of _'Power Rangers'._ He quoted some of the lines and even stood up on the couch and did some of the moves, oblivious to the fact that his brother was standing a couple of feet away from him. James chuckled at his younger brother's antics. Matt continued doing his moves and shouting at the bad guy on the screen. James, not really knowing anything about _'Power Rangers'_ ran and jumped on the couch tackling his brother. The younger boy was caught off guard and went tumbling onto the couch. They soon got into a wrestling match and were tackling and throwing each other all over the place. Matt was calling some weird names and then doing what he thought was a super awesome kick or punch. James, laughing at his brother, soon acted on the fact that he was being defeated.

"Oh, no! Don't kill me! Spare me my life, oh mighty Power Ranger." He said with fake terror on his face.

Matt laughed, "Not so fast, evil doer! Nobody gets away with doing evil in my city!"

James got on his knees and begged with pleading eyes, "Please spare me, oh powerful one! I promise not to do evil again!"

Matt made a face to look like he was thinking and then he shook his head no, "No, you're going to jail!"

James gave his brother two wide eyes, "No, not jail! Anything but that! Please!"

Matt shook his head and 'dragged' his brother to a corner of the room between the chair and the couch where a table and lamp were, "Get in there! You're going to jail!" He pushed his brother in there, and James crawled in obediently.

James turned and pouted at his brother, but Matt only laughed, "Tears won't per...par..."

"Persuade?"

"Yeah that word!" Matt exclaimed, "Tears won't persuade me!"

James lifted an eyebrow, "What if I promise you some ice cream?"

Matt's eyes widened, "What kind of ice cream?"

"Chocolate ice cream." James grinned.

Matt jumped up and down excitedly, "I want some! I want some!"

James shrugged, "You got to get me out of jail first."

Matt nodded and helped his brother out of the scrawl space, "OK, now get me some ice cream!"

James swung his brother over his shoulder, "Ah ha! Now I'm free!"

Matt laughed, "Noooo!"

James' grin widened, "Oh yes!" He tickled his younger brother's sides with one of his hands and the younger erupted into laughter.

"James! Hahahahahahhahahaha! Stop it! Hahahahahahahahahahaha!" Was all that Matt could get out.

James let his brother back down on his feet and stopped tickling him, "Now let's get you that ice cream."

Matt frowned at his big brother, "That wasn't very funny."

James grinned, "You were laughing, and I thought you were enjoying it."

Matt stuck his tongue out at his brother then tried to run away when his brother grabbed him around the belly and gave him a noogie. Both of them were laughing again and when James finally did let go of Matt his hair was all messed up again. As soon as James let Matt go, Matt ran back to the couch and picked up a pillow and swatted his brother with it.

James laughed, "How is that fair? I'm unarmed!"

Matt shrugged and continued to hit his brother with the pillow. James was slightly getting annoyed but he didn't show it to his little brother. However, that didn't keep him from getting Matt to stop. He picked up the pillow, taking it from his younger brother, "Hey, stop it or you won't get any ice cream."

Matt however persisted and was throwing lousy punches at his brother while he tried to fix them both some ice cream. James turned around, a stern look on his face, "Stop it Matt. I mean it. If you don't I'm going to give your food to dad."

He stopped, "Crap! I was supposed to fix dad some food!"

He put the ice cream down on the cabinet and raced to fix his dad something to eat. James picked up a large clean plate with a bowl and fixed his dad a salad and some left over steak from two nights ago. It wasn't very appetizing, but it was all they had. He warmed it up in the microwave and then grabbed a clean glass and filled it up with Root Beer and took it to their dad. Before he left he scooped his little brother some ice cream and placed it in a small bowl. He handed it to him and then made a mad dash with his father's food in his hand to his dad's bedroom. He knocked on the door and got a grunt telling him to enter the room. James opened the door with his pinky and entered the room. Tiger was still on their dad's bed and his dad had turned on the TV in his room. It was smaller than the one in the living room, but it kept their dad preoccupied. James walked over to his dad and handed him the plate with the bowl and placed the root beer on the bedside table.

Michael studied the food, "This seems pretty good James. You're becoming a better cook."

James nodded, "Thanks dad."

His dad began to eat and then looked over at Tiger, "Fetch Tiger some food while you're at it. He's hungry. You should know where his food and water bowl is."

James nodded and left the room with Tiger on his tail. He panicked a bit and his father laughed, "That dog won't bite cha' without my order, so don't worry about it."

James again nodded and walked out the door, Tiger on his tail. He found the bag of dog food and poured it into Tiger's empty dog bowl. The dog watched silently and patiently. James also filled his water bowl and when Tiger still wouldn't come eat he put a bit of hamburger meat in his bowl and he saw the dog get anxious.

"Dad!" James called, "Do you want me to bring his food and water into your room?"

"YEAH!" His dad called in response.

James sighed and looked in the living room to check on Matt, both dog bowls in his hands. Matt was eating his ice cream and he was again focused on the TV. James smiled and headed towards their father's room again. Tiger followed him into his dad's room silently. James placed the food bowls beside his dad's bedside table. Tiger instantly went for the food. James went to leave but asked his father if he needed anything else. When his father said no, James went back into the living room with Matt. He laughed when he looked at Matt's face. His entire face was covered in chocolate. James went to go get a wet rag to clean the boys face up. He sat beside Matt and wrapped one of his arms around Matt knowing that he was going to struggle. It was like trying to give him a bath; Matt just hated it when people tried to clean his face as well. Before he could take another bite of his chocolate ice cream, James placed the rag on Matt's face and wiped the little boys face up. Just like he had thought, Matt struggled trying to get his older brother off of him.

"James, stop it!" He yelled in aggravation.

"Stop squirming, you need to be clean." James responded.

Matt didn't say anything at all he just grunted as he let his brother clean his face.

James sighed and laughed in frustration, "You can be impossible you know that?"

Matt shrugged when his brother finished and let him continue to eat

James kissed his brother's forehead, "Alright, I'm done. I'm going to go grab some ice cream and then I'll be right back."

Around 8:00 James started getting Matt ready for bed. His pajamas were still in the dirty hamper so James let him borrow one of his clean shirts that turned into a nightgown on him. James changed into his pajamas and lied down beside his little brother. The little boy squirmed not ready to go to bed. He fought James the entire time while they were getting ready to go to bed. When James was about to get extremely stern with the little one and had told him he'd have to sit in a time out if he didn't behave Matt finally complied.

Matt sat up on the couch and stood up to leave the room, thinking his brother had already gone to sleep. James opened one of his eyes and watched his brother closely.

"And where do you think you're going?" He asked making Matt jump in his place and squeak a bit.

"I...I...I was just going to the bathroom." Matt stuttered looking down at his feet. He made tiny circles with his feet in the carpet. James quirked his eyebrow at his brother, knowing that the little one had just told a lie.

He gave his brother a stern look and sat up on his side, "Matt...Are you lying?"

The little one looked up at his brother instantly, afraid of what was going to happen to him. He knew he wasn't supposed to lie, lying was bad. He was probably going to be in trouble for doing so. Slowly he nodded his head and saw that his brother was sitting up all the way now and he had his arms crossed and a frown on his face.

"Matt, what have I told you about lying?"

"That it's bad and I'm not supposed to do it." The little boy mumbled.

"I didn't hear that." James answered.

"That it's bad and I'm not supposed to do it." Matt spoke a little louder.

James nodded, "So where you going?"

"The kitchen..." Was the little boys answer.

"You know you can't have any snacks or drinks after eight. You could have an accident."

Matt nodded, tears welling up in his eyes.

"Come back here." James said and pointed to the spot beside him on the couch. Matt obediently followed his brother's command and sat beside him. James wrapped one arm around the little one, "You know better than that Matt."

The child nodded, "But I'm hungry."

Before James could answer him there was a crash that sounded through the entire house. James looked up immediately knowing that his father was probably drunk again. He had gone off with some buddies earlier that day and had gotten back a little while ago. His father looked terrible and he expected the worst. Matt hid behind James faster than a speeding bullet.

"Daddy's upset..." Matt murmured behind his brothers back.

James stood up, "You stay here. I'll go check it out."

Matt pulled his brothers shirt, "No, you'll get hurt."

James swatted his brother's hand away, "No I won't."

Matt trembled, "What if something happens? Are we going back to the slide?"

James stopped himself and thought. Then he shook his head, "No, Matt. If dad attacks us again, we're calling the police." James went a grabbed the house phone and brought it to Matt. He put the phone in Matt's hands and looked at him straight in the eyes, "If anything happens Matt, anything at all, you dial 991. OK?"

Matt looked down at the phone, "Which one's that?"

James dialed in 991 but didn't call it, he then placed the phone in his brother's tiny hands, "OK Matt, if anything happens just press this button." He took is little brothers finger and guided it to the "redial" button, "It'll call 991 for you, I promise."

With that James left the room and left Matt behind, sitting on the couch. Matt got comfortable on the couch, hoping that he wouldn't have to call the police, but he got a gut feeling that he was going to have too. He had a feeling that things were going to get bad, really bad. He pulled the blanket around his body and still he shivered under the blanket, out of fear for him and his brother.

James continued down the hallway, not knowing how bad the situation really was. There was nothing he could use to defend himself if his father got violent. He knew this, yet he continued. He wasn't going to check to see if his father was ready for a fight, but just checking to see if he wasn't violent enough to come and hurt Matt. Matt was James' main concern. If something was to happen to Matt, with or without the police there he wouldn't be able to live with himself. Matt needed to be in a loving home, not this dump. It was best that Matt was taken away, far away from here. He needed to get away.

As James got closer to the room he heard voices. Well, not really it was just one voice. It was his father's voice. He put his ear to the door and listened to what his father was saying.

"Buddy was right and so was Greg. If I want to get rid of my problem I'll have to get rid of the kid. Not James, he's good for something, but that Matt. I'll have to get rid of him. I can't put him up for adoption 'cause that could cause problems for me. I'll have to get rid of him for good." He stopped and James brought his hand to his mouth to keep him yelling out. He continued to listen though. He heard Tiger growl, "How'd you like to eat something new Tiger? I'll have to hide the body somewhere and I'm pretty sure you'll eat just about anything that's raw meat." James heard a gunshot ring out and Tiger started barking, "That's what I'll have to do. I'll have to kill him. But why should he be given a chance to live anyway? He killed his own mother!"

James ran back to the living room to find Matt wrapped in the blanket and as white as a sheet. He looked at the little boy, terrified for the boy's fate. Matt looked up at his brother, "James? Is something wrong?"

Before James could respond he heard his dad's door slam open and he heard Tiger coming down the hallway, "FIND HIM TIGER! CATCH HIM FOR ME!"

James threw himself at Matt and hid him behind the couch, "Matt, call 911!" He whispered but commanded, "Do it now! If they ask for an address tell them ours! You know it right?" Matt nodded, tears again threatening to fall down his cheeks, "Alright, call them now!"

James rolled out from behind the couch to see Tiger standing there, teeth bared and his eyes seemed to be glowing red. Their father was coming in the room, "Where's Matt?"

James shrugged, "I don't know. Why?"

His father glared at him, "I know you know where he's at. I know you do!" He took a step towards him, "So where is he?"

James glared back, "Do you actually think I'd tell you where he is if I knew? You just want to kill him!"

Tiger snarled and barked at James, ready to attack. His father pointed an accusing finger at him, "Don't you dare try to defy me! Why should we let him live, James? Huh?"

"Because he's a human being! You can't just throw his life away like it was nothing!" James shouted in retaliation.

His father pulled out a pistol and pointed it at him, "You can't tell me what I can and can't do boy!"

James' face went white, "You won't shoot me..."

His dad sneered, "Think I won't?" He took a couple of steps towards James, "Now tell me where he is."

James dove towards his father knocking the gun out of his hand, "I'll never tell you!"

The gun went off and there was a yelp, James didn't have to turn around to recognize that kind of yelp. Tiger had been hit with a bullet, "NOW MATT! CALL THEM! CALL THEM NOW!"

Matt was hiding under the couch at the time and pressed the button his brother had instructed him to call. The receiving end seemed to ring forever. Matt cried as he heard things being thrown and saw from the bottom of the couch his father and brother fighting with their fists. Nothing like this had ever happened, EVER! He panicked and finally they answered. Matt could hardly hear what they were saying, he just remembers shouting their address and telling the police to hurry. Apparently they understood what was going on because they told him to hide and hold on that the police were coming. He hung up the phone and watched his brother and father duke it out. He screamed a couple of times, but his screams were not heard. Then there were two loud bangs and movement stopped completely in the house. Matt, having closed his eyes, tears pouring down his cheeks, and his breathing pattern was abnormal finally opened his eyes in blood and noticed that the red substance was everywhere. He looked around to see that his brother was resting, eagle spread on top of their dad, both were covered in blood. He gasped at his brother as he moved a little bit and tried to get off of his dad. Matt raced towards his brother as the elder tried to crawl away from the dead body underneath him.

Matt stared at his brother, his eyes wide and full of fear, "Big brother, what's going on?"

James looked at Matt and then looked at the hole that pierced his body and the blood flowing from it, "Matt, did you call them?"

Matt nodded at his brother who tried to smile.

"Good, they'll make sure you're safe." He fell a couple of inches away from his father with Matt beside him, worried as anything.

"Mattie, look at me."

The younger looked at him, tears falling down his face, "They'll take you away from here Mattie. But I won't be able to go with you. I'll try to make it to explain what was going on, but you have to promise me to live on. You'll get a better chance at life, I promise you."

Matt looked at his brother in confusion, "I can't go on without you."

James looked at him, "Yes you can. Don't worry about it."

Sirens went off in the background and there were blue and red lights glistening inside the house. Matt looked up for a split second then back at his brother, who was coughing up blood. He panicked, "I don't want them to take me away Jamie! You can't leave me! You can't! Jamie, don't leave me!"

Before James could said anything his eyes went wide at the sound of growling. Tiger had gotten up, the bullet hadn't killed him. James eyes went even wider as he saw Tiger charge Matt, "MATTIE RUN!"

Matt gave him a questionable look and turned around not sure of what the danger was, and there Tiger was, right on top of him. The dog's teeth bit at Matt's sides and stomach making Matt scream. James tried to stand up to save his brother but was unable to get up.

"MATT!"

Matt pushed the dog away from him when a giant claw and slapped him across the face. Blood went everywhere, seeing as their dad didn't cut the dogs claws. They had become jagged and sharp over the years. James looked at the scene in horrified awe. His little brother was screaming and holding his face while the dog once again started attacking him.

A couple of guys broke the door down just in time. One of them kicked the dog off of Matt and swept him off the ground and rushed him out of the house while the other called in for backup to come grab the dog. James sighed and laid back down, in two much pain to do anything. One man came for him but everything blacked out after that.

The men rushed Matt out of the house and called for a medic. There were more people arriving on the scene as the seconds went by. The man that grabbed Matt was gone and back in the house and had left Matt in the care of a medic. His face stung and his hair was all slicked back. The medic was trying to talk to him and when he couldn't get anything out of the kid he just told Matt when some medication would sting or not. He saw his reflection in the glass of one of the cars, and would've panicked at the sight but was too tired too. His left half of his face had three large claw marks going down his face and they were still oozing with blood and other liquids. A few seconds later two large Tahoe's appeared and a group of people came out to check out the area. Matt watched as people gathered around his house, placing tape around his house using the same type as there was around the slide. Matt watched another ambulance pull into the neighborhood and he saw some people gathering around the area. He saw two men with a stretcher enter the house and then pull his brother out of there. Matt wanted to yell for his brother, he really did, but he couldn't find his voice. Just then a man walked towards him with short brown hair and was very clean looking. He wore a uniform that was in all black and had the letter CSI on one side following a nametag. It said the word, "Engarde" but Matt couldn't tell that because he couldn't read.

The man gave Matt a smile; he had to be in his late twenties or early thirties, "Hi there. I'm Nicholas Engarde, a CSI. Is it OK, if I ask you a few questions?"

Matt nodded his head at the man. He had a strange feeling in his gut that he could trust this man.

"OK, so what's your name buddy?" He asked.

"M-Matt..."

"OK, so can you tell me what happened?"

Matt nodded his head, "Yeah, I can."

The man nodded, "OK, so tell me what happened."

Matt stared at him and sighed, "It started last night. My daddy wasn't in a good mood..."

**TBC...**


	3. Chapter 3

**Finding Matt Engarde**

**Chapter 3:**

**Loss**

After telling his tale Matt was exhausted. In truth he wasn't able to get through the entire story, fear had taken over his body when he remembered the threat his father had often told them. He wasn't supposed to tell the police anything at all. But then again, his father wasn't waking up; he remembered seeing the man covered in blood. Did that mean that his dad was dead? What about James? Was he OK? Matt was too scared to think about anything. The man that was asking him questions, the friendly one, Nicholas Engarde was his name, promised Matt that he would be safe from now on. Matt so desperately wanted to believe him, but he wasn't sure about it. His father could easily hurt him if things went his way. Matt however was taken with the CSI men and women; they told him they had a few questions for him. Matt, wanting to know what was going to happen to his brother, went willingly.

However, first he was sent to the hospital. The scars on his face hurt a lot. The man named Nicholas came in to check on him often, he would ask him questions about what had happened to him and his brother. Nicholas would ask questions about Matt's family and asked him if his dad had ever touched him.

Matt looked away from Nicolas. He was sitting in a hospital bed, an IV in his arm. Matt felt tired, lost and confused. He wanted to trust Mr. Nicholas, who was currently on his knees sitting against the hospital bed beside him, but he didn't know what he meant.

Nicholas's face sunk when Matt didn't answer his question. He gently touched the young boy's hand, who Matt in turn grabbed onto the older mans hand for security. Nicholas's eyes were sad, "Matt, honey, can you look at me?"

The little boy looked into Nicholas's eyes. Tears were filling his eyes and he sniffed. Nicholas swallowed, "Did he touch you, Matt? Did he touch you where you know you shouldn't be touched?"

Matt's bottom lip quivered and he thought back to the time, three days ago now, where his father did something abnormal to him. He remembered his brother becoming more violent than normal. All he could do was nod at the older man. Nicholas sighed and a few tears welled up in his eyes as well. He wanted to hold the young child, but knew that wasn't an option. He wasn't at liberty to hold the child.

Nicholas nodded, "Can you tell me where he touched you?"

Matt was silent.

Nicholas again, nodded, "I understand if you don't want to tell me, buddy. I know it's hard. But, I have to know. It'll help us out a lot."

Matt sniffed again, "He was trying to p-pull my pants down. Big brother knocked him off me before..." He started crying. He couldn't go on. It was hard enough that he had to live it but now he had to restate everything that happened. The memories hurt Matt's soul.

"I want my brother!" He cried, "I want Jamie!"

Nicholas sighed and stroked the boy's hand, trying to calm him, "I know Matt. It'll be over soon. I promise."

Nicholas was going to stay when the nurse appeared. He nodded at her and stood up turning back to look at Matt. The kid was scared; it was shown in all of his features. The nurse shooed Nicholas out who complied. He quickly went to the ER where he met up with another CSI. She was tall with long black hair and green eyes. Her arms were crossed as she waited to be able to enter the room. He stood beside her and sighed.

"Diana."

She didn't look at him but she nodded, "Nick. How's the kid?"

Nick shook his head, "He's pretty out of it. Poor thing is scared half to death and is confused."

Diana sighed, "Anybody would be. That kid has had it rough. I asked the neighbors for any information on the family. One of them said that the boys' father had a bit of a temper. At times the boys would run away from home for an entire day and then come back. Nothing would change though. They weren't sure if he ever did anything to them, or really, they couldn't prove it. It's clear that the boys were beaten and everyone is sure that they don't beat up each other. The neighbors clearly said that the only reason that the boys kept coming back was each other. One of the neighbors even said that if Matt wasn't there James would've probably run away and never come back a long time ago." She shook her head, "I haven't been able to talk to the older brother yet though. They've kept him in there with no visitors. Apparently his wounds are that bad. I'm hoping it's not anything serious, but if it is, I'd like to get something out of him before he passes."

Nick folded his arms across his chest, "I got to talk to Matt, but I couldn't get much out of him. He's a victim though, that's for sure."

"In more ways than one?" Diana asked, looking at the other CSI.

Nick sighed, "He's abused physically and sexually. Probably mentally as well. It's clear that he was scared to talk to me. I think his father probably threatened both of those boys to keep quiet."

Diana shook her head, "Where's the mother in all of this? I mean, if the mother had any sanity she wouldn't just stand by and watch her kids take that sort of a beating."

"You never know. Maybe the mother didn't care for her children. There have been multiple cases like that. Me and you have both seen it."

Diana looked at Nick, "Well, you don't know if that was the case. She could've abandoned them."

"Or she could be dead." Nick gave her a serious look.

Diana looked back at him, "There's always the possibility."

Two nurses and a doctor finally came out of the room. The two CSI's walked up to the doctor with a serious look on their faces. The doctor looked at them and handed them a chart and beckoned them to follow him. They went into a room next to the ER. The doctor shut the door, "I'd like to give you the bullet but it's too dangerous to remove it. It's too close to his heart, if we tried to remove it, it'd kill him."

Diana sighed, "That's never a good sign."

Nick nodded, "Is the kid awake?"

The doctor nodded, "Yes, but he's extremely weak. Be careful, I don't know how long he'll be able to talk. He's exhausted."

Nicholas nodded, "We'll remember that. We've got to talk to him though, that's for sure."

Both CSI's left the room and went back to the ER and the room where James was kept. When they both walked in James was hooked up to nearly every medical device there was. He was awake and alive though and that was all that mattered.

James looked at the two CSI's, "Is Matt OK?"

Nicholas walked towards James with Diana on his tail, "Yeah," He answered, "Your brother is alright. He'll be released pretty soon actually."

James nodded but didn't look satisfied, "How's his eye? I saw the dog attack him. He'll still be able to see won't he?"

Nick nodded, "Yeah the nurse said his eye will be OK."

Before James could ask another question, Diana interjected, "James, we're-"

"CSI's. I know. You guys probably want to ask me some questions, don't you?" He interrupted.

Diana nodded, "Yeah, that's just about it."

James sighed and coughed a bit, "You guys want the bullet too don't you?"

The room got tense and before either one of the CSI's could answer, James smiled, "I want you to take it from me."

Nick gave him a horrified look, "You do realize that if we try to remove the bullet that you have a high percent chance that you'll die?"

James shrugged, "I don't care. If it's going to rescue my brother, I'll do it."

Diana pulled a chair close to James bed and sighed, "James, before we do that, I want to ask you about what happened to your dad."

James blinked, "I killed him. I know I did."

Diana sighed, "Well, I want to know what the situation was." James tried to sit up a bit and Diana continued, "Was it a defensive kill, an offensive? What was going on here?"

James sighed, "I guess either way it's murder but I was just trying to protect Matt. Matt was in the living room, as usual, eating some ice cream and minding his own business. Dad never liked having Matt around. He blamed Matt for mom's death." Seeing the look in the two CSI's eyes James stopped and explained about their mother, "My mom died in childbirth. She died trying to bring Matt into this world. I never blamed him even as much as dad tried to get me to think so. I couldn't make myself believe that something so tiny and something so defenseless was a murderer. So what if my mother had died? I'm sure that if my brother had a choice he wouldn't have let our mother die. Matt didn't deserve to be blamed. Anyway, I went to go check on a noise that I heard and I was pretty sure it was my dad. I left Matt in the living room and told him to stay quiet and if anything should happen for him to call 911. Our father had always told us that if we tried to call the cops that things would get ugly. He would hurt us, well more than he already did. Anyway, I walked down the hall and heard Tiger, the Doberman barking mad and I heard my dad talking about killing Matt. I panicked and ran back for Matt, grabbing the phone on my way into the living and hiding him, tell him to call 911. That's when I heard the first gunshot. He came in there and was demanding me to tell him where Matt was. I wouldn't tell him so he threatened me with the gun. It didn't work. Next thing I know I'm attacking him and things were going to get ugly. I had tackled my dad to the ground and we were having a fight. I heard Matt panicking in the background." James sighed, "Everything else is a blank. Well, not really. I remember being shot, or I thought I was being shot, and then Matt crawling out from under the couch. I remember seeing the dog attack Matt."

Nicholas sighed and Diana nodded at James, "Thank you for your help James."

James tried to give a smile, "You're welcome." As the two CSI's were about to leave James stopped them, "Hey can I ask one of you a favor?"

They both turned around, Diana stated she'd be back and left to talk to the doctor but Nick went back to the young man, "Sure buddy."

James squirmed in the hospital bed and grunted at being uncomfortable, "Can you get Mattie into a nice orphanage? I don't want him in some crappy place and I know that we don't have a lot of money but please, can you try your best?" Nick took a deep breath in and sighed as the boy continued, "I just want him to be safe you know? I'm probably not going to be around to make sure he's safe."

Nicholas kneeled at James' bed, "What makes you think you won't make it, James? If your brother needs you so badly, don't you have a little faith to stay alive?"

James looked down, "I've got a feeling I'm not going to make it. My chest hurts and I know that that bullet is doing its job. I'll be with my mother soon, that's a fact. But I'm worried about Matt. He won't survive very long."

Nicholas sighed and James looked at him with solemn eyes, "If not, can I ask you another favor?"

Nicholas nodded, "Yeah, sure. Anything bud."

James gave him a serious look, "If my brother doesn't get adopted, will you adopt him?"

The CSI looked up at the young pre-teen, shock on his face, "You want me to adopt your brother?"

James nodded, "I can trust you, I know it. You have a soft spot for Matt."

Nicholas smiled, "I don't know if I can take care of him though. But," He gently grabbed James' hand, "If it makes you feel better, I'll promise. If I can't get Matt into a good orphanage, I'll take care of him I promise."

James smiled at him, "Thanks." He looked up at Nicholas' name on his uniform, "Engarde. Matt Engarde. It's got a ring to it."

Nicholas smiled and left the boy to his musings. He shut the door behind him he saw Diana standing with the doctor, they were still talking. He walked over to them, seeing the seriousness on their faces he turned his walk into a brisk trot. The doctor walked away just as he got close to the two of them.

"What's going on?"

Diana sighed and looked at him, "He says James isn't going to make it, so we'll have our bullet soon. Can't say I'm too excited for it. I really don't want to see the kid...well, you know."

Nicholas sighed, "It's a sad day for all of us then."

Diana looked at him with gentle eyes, "We're going to have to tell his brother."

"I'll do it." He said, denying her access.

"We're working this case together Nick, we'll tell him together." She gave him a stern look.

Before Nick could retaliate a nurse ran in to James' room and ran back out just as quickly. Both CSI's turned around and saw another nurse and the doctor appear and enter the room in a rush.

"He's gone..." Diana whispered.

Nicholas remained still but then walked off towards Matt's room. Diana followed him, ignoring the fact that he wanted to do this alone. Both CSI's walked towards the hospital room and looked through the window. Matt was sitting looking at a picture book without his nurse in the room. Before either CSI's could open the door, the nurse walked up beside them.

She sighed, "His brother's gone, the poor dear. He's got no one else. We checked the hospital records, both boys were born here and the mother died not a day later after he was born. The husband went berserk but there was nothing we could do."

Diana looked at the nurse, "You knew them?"

The nurse shook her head, "Not personally, but I saw the father's temper. We were scared he was going to kill the baby. He blamed it for his wife's death and no matter how many times we tried to tell him that it was a fluke thing, nothing worked. Natalie, their mother, was just too weak. She barely got through birthing the baby. I thought we were going to have to give her a C-Section. But she fought the entire way. The way she held Matt was beautiful. She smiled down at him and called him 'her little darling.' It was clear she loved the babe." The nurse shook her head, "I'm sure she didn't expect anything like this to happen."

Diana continued to ask questions, "Was the father always that aggressive?"

The nurse shrugged, "I don't know for sure. I was only here when she gave birth to the second child. James, the first, I wasn't here for. But I don't know, he seemed kind of aggressive the entire time. He was shouting and cussing people out when she was in labor and being brought into the hospital. I didn't think he was going to stop."

"Doesn't sound exactly like an ideal father. Is there anyone else here that could help us out and give us some information on him?"

The nurse thought for a second, "Oh, you might want to check with Doctor Robins, both of them. They're husband and wife. I'm pretty sure they were here during the first birth."

Diana nodded, "Could you take us to them?"

The nurse agreed, "I'll show you the way."

Both women started away from the door, Diana turned around to look at Nicholas, "You coming?"

Nicholas shook his head, staying ever so silent, "I'm going to stay here with Matt." Diana sighed and went with the nurse. She was a little confused as to why Nick was acting the way he was. They had done several child abuse cases before, what made this one different? He was acting out of his norm that was for sure and it was getting on her nerves. He wasn't acting like a CSI at all. She grumbled to herself as the nurse led her away.

Nick watched the little boy flip through the pages of the book with no enthusiasm. He looked up and saw the CSI looking at him and waved. Nicholas smiled and entered the room. Matt put the book down and waited for Nick to kneel beside him like he had done a couple of hours ago.

"Is my brother OK?" Matt asked with innocence.

That arrow struck Nick hard. He so desperately wanted to tell Matt that his brother was OK and he'll be able to see him soon, but he knew that was a lie. James was gone, the end. A knot appeared in Nick's throat, he didn't want to say what he had to.

Matt noticed the look in Nick's eyes and leaned up a bit to get a better look at the CSI, "Is he OK? Where's Jamie? Can I see him now?"

Nick took one of the boy's hands in his own, "Mattie," he said, remembering that the elder brother had used it. He figured that it'd calm the boy down a bit, "You won't be able to see your brother, no."

Matt looked at him with confusion, "But the nurse said I'd be able to!" Tears rolled down his face, "I wanna see Jamie!"

Nick shook his head, "He's gone honey." He swallowed the lump in his throat and stared at the toddler, "He...He went to see your momma, OK?"

Matt's bottom lip quivered, "But, momma's gone. Jamie can't go see her! He can't go without me!" The quivering in his bottom lip turned to cries, and then that turned to sobs. He got up and tried to run to the door, seeing as he wasn't hooked up to any medical equipment. He tried to get to the door to go out and to find James' room, but the CSI picked him up and stopped him.

The little boy struggled, "I WANT JAMIE! JAMIE! DON'T LEAVE ME JAMIE!"

Nick got the little boy back in his bed and the boy started scratching at his scars in a fury and screamed.

Nick called a nearby nurse into the room. The nurse pulled his hands away from his face with the CSI's help.

Matt continued to scream, "HE CAN'T LEAVE ME! JAMIE!"

The nurse tried to calm the child down but he wouldn't sit still. Without thinking, Nicholas picked the tiny child up and held him in his arms. He set Matt on his hip and let the boy cry into his shoulder while patting his back and whispering comforting words into his ears.

The screams and cries turned to whimpers and hiccups. Because of the noise, others had flocked to the room. Diana was one of these people and she stared at Nick with awe. The little boy crying into his shoulder still, Nick turned to Diana and gave her a look that said 'This kid needs my attention. I'm putting his feelings before my job, I don't care what the consequence.'

The boy started crying again and Nick gently bounced him on his hip and whispered comforting words into his ears again, "It'll be OK, Matt. I promise."

In a few days, Matt was release and just as promised, Nicholas found a good orphanage for Matt to be in. However, he was a bit reluctant to do so. He had become attached to the boy and with the case done and over with, there really wasn't much to do after James' passing away, it was the end of him seeing Matt. Now there was a hole in his heart, he felt like something was missing. Had he really become that attached to the kid? Nicholas sat in the break room, drinking some coffee and just staring at the wall. He couldn't have become that attached to a kid he hardly knew, could he? He wasn't even married, he couldn't think of raising a child.

He sighed; he didn't really care about the kid that much, did he? He kept trying to tell himself no, but he felt he was lying to himself. Why did the kid keep running through his mind? Maybe it was just the aftermath of the case. But it wasn't really a case.

He ran his hand through his hair and sighed when Diana came in, "Still thinking about the kid?"

He shrugged, "Maybe, what do you care?"

She gave him a mad glance, "What's your problem?"

He shook his head, "I don't know, you just never seemed to bother yourself with Matt until now."

She shrugged, "I'm worried about you. That kid seems to be getting in the way of your work."

He shot her a venomous glare, "What's that supposed to mean? How can you think like that?"

She glanced at him while she made herself some coffee, "It means exactly what it means. You keep thinking about that kid and it's getting in the way of work."

He slammed his hands on the table which startled, "You're a self-centered piece of work you know that? That child is hurt from what's happened and you expect me not to worry about him? I held him while he cried Diana! He was suffering and there was nothing I could do about it! He's probably still suffering!"

She put her freshly made coffee down and raised her voice as she spoke, "Well there's the problem Nick! You're the only one worried about this kid and the memories of him are getting in the way! Get over it Nick! The kid is gone and is in a nice orphanage, there's nothing else we could do!"

"So you're saying you don't care about the kid?"

"No, I'm saying that the thought of the kid is getting you away from work!"

Nick stared at her in dead silence, his glare piercing her defenses. He picked up his jacket and went to the locker room. Diana followed him, "Where do you think you're going?"

Nick shrugged, "I'm going home, where else?"

Diana leaned against a locker beside him, "You're just going to go home like a child because you didn't get your way?"

He pointed at the clock in the locker room, "No, my shifts done. I'm going home. And we can continue this tomorrow."

She scoffed at him, "All of this because of a kid..."

He slammed his locker door after he finished changing, "You know what Diana, it isn't just about the kid. It's about doing what's right and following the heart." He shoved past her, "And right now I'm doing what my hearts telling me to do."

She rolled her eyes, "Let's see where that gets you."

He turned around to face her, "You know, Diana, I don't think I've ever met someone as cold-hearted as you are. And looking at the job I have, that says something."

With that Nick turned around and left the lab, leaving Diana far behind. He jumped in his car, but it wasn't home that he was heading. He raced out of the parking lot and drove straight towards Faith in Families Orphanage for Boys.

**TBC...**


	4. Chapter 4

**Authors Note: I don't know all the in's and out's of adoption so I'm just making it up as I go, which is how the law system is in the world of Phoenix Wright. Please just go with it. Thank You!**

**Finding Matt Engarde**

**Chapter Four:**

**Attachment **

Matt sat alone in the room he shared with twelve other boys. He quivered and sniffled to himself. The clothes he was wearing was much more comfy than the ones he had been used to. These actually fit his size and the shirt was his favorite color too. Red. He used to love red because it was his favorite of the Teletubbies. Then it was his favorite Power Ranger. But now, it had a different darker meaning and Matt wasn't sure if it was alright to feel the way he did because of it. He liked it because of the red liquid that poured from his evil father's body. He liked it because it meant that the man that caused him and his brother all sorts of suffering was dead. It was over because of that _red_ liquid. It was finally all over.

_Or was it?_

Matt was all alone now. He didn't have anyone with him at all. He would've even enjoyed the feeling of being around the other children, who ignored him, whether because he was new or because of his circumstances he didn't know. He would've even enjoyed the feeling of being around the bigger kids. The kids would've probably ignored him as well, but at least he would have some company. Some human spirit that surrounded him. Something that was animated and alive. Not the inanimate objects such as the bedpost and the wooden objects around him. He wanted any source of company. Even the company of Whiskers, the orphanage cat, would suffice.

But above all, Matt wanted to see the nice man that helped him escape the hell-whole he'd known as home. He wanted to see Mr. Nicholas again. He wanted to see Nicholas Engarde one more time. He sniffled remembering that day. It had almost been a month since they had last met. He often wondered how the CSI was doing. He liked him. Mr. Nicholas seemed to care for his well being. Much like someone else had. Much like _Jamie_ had. James was always there to make him smile, even in the darkest of times. He was there to wipe the tears away. To bounce him in his lap and let him climb on his back and play horsey. To let him pick what to watch on TV. To tickle his feet to wake him up and play around. To hold him when scared. But that was all over now. He wasn't going to experience that any time soon. Possibly never again. It was all memories now. It was sad for a child so young. He was just beginning his life and it already felt like it was all over. That there was no point in living.

He always thought back to his father. To the man that hated him since birth and probably even before then. He wondered why his dad had hated him so much. Wondering what he had done to make his father hate him so. Was he ever a bad boy? Did he do something to make his father dislike him? Was it because he was so tiny? Matt was always such a small child. Jamie even said that Matt was a tiny little guy, but that it was cute. So, it couldn't have been that. Maybe it was because he couldn't do a lot of things that Jamie and their daddy could do. It was true. Matt could never reach the high counter that held all the sippy-cups. Nor could he get to the food he wanted. He never could reach anything. He also didn't go potty in the toilet like Jamie did. He had to wear a diaper or a pull-up. Did his daddy not like him because of that? He sighed as he figured he'd never know now.

He could hear the kids get excited downstairs. He sniffled and turned towards the door. All the ruckus had indeed caught his attention, but he didn't rise from the small bed he was sitting on. His feelings were all mixed up in a knot and he wasn't feeling very well at all. His belly hurt and he had a headache from all the crying he had done.

He sniffled and ignored the squeak of the door. He even ignored the tap on the door.

One of the young girls, Lacy, working at the foster home forced herself a smile. She loved children greatly and she hated to see them in a poor state. Not that the orphanage wasn't tidy, but it was the fact that most of the children were unwanted or the drop-offs of teenage pregnancy. If Lacy had it her way she'd adopt all the children she could. But she couldn't provide for them, it would practically be impossible without help. The only thing that could provide would be the kind-hearted souls of the world and the orphanages.

She sat beside Matt and wrapped an arm around him. He fell into her chest without resistance. She smiled. _He's adorable, _was the first thing that came to her mind. She tapped his nose with her free hand, "Matt, there's someone looking for a cute looking boy like yourself to adopt."

Immediately, Matt pulled away from her and shook his head, "I want Jamie…"

Lacy gave the toddler a small sympathetic look. Of course he wouldn't be ready to move on; especially since he'd lost his family just a few nights ago.

"But, Matt, don't you want to have a new family?"

Matt shook his head violently, getting upset, "No! I want Jamie!"

"Perhaps I could help."

Both youngster and worker looked up at the words. Blinking away the tears, the blurry figure in the door became the familiar crime scene investigator that Matthew had grown fondly attached too. The tears were quickly blinked away by the child and he pushed Lacy out of the way and gripped the man's waist tightly and cried into his legs. Lacy looked up in awe. It was just a few seconds ago that Matthew didn't want anyone to adopt him, so who was this young man? There were no other family members and there was no mention of a family friend that would come looking for Matt. In honesty, it was a hopeless case. Where did this guy come from?

Nicholas smiled at the child and knelt down, wiping tears from the child's eyes, "Hey kid, no more crying okay? It's not all bad. It's not over."

Matt continued to cry, "Yes it is."

Nicholas couldn't help but smile softly at the child's response, "Why is that Matthew?"

Matt sniffled, looking at his feet, "B-because….Because….Jamie's…Jamie's gone." Tiny little fists were brought up to the watering eyes again. The child tried to hold back a sob but it couldn't be helped. The tears were freely running once again and they weren't going to stop; not at all. The rivers were running freely down his cheeks now, his nose was running, and he was shaking in the clothes that now fit him, thanks to the orphanage.

"Matt, look at me."

The child shook his head in shame and distress. He didn't want to do anything but cry about his loss.

"Matthew. Please?"

The voice was calming and reassuring. There was no sign of the aggressiveness or the false pretense like his father had when he 'attempted' to be nice to the toddler. Defeated, and naïve, Matt looked up at the older man's face.

At first, it was just the chin and lips. The chin had slight stubble but otherwise to have a great complexion. There were no scratches or bruises on his chin or lips, like his brother had many times when their dad had backhanded him. On to the lips, they were slightly pink, the tint of most lips that he had seen, but there was a difference in these than the others he had seen. Of course, they weren't coarse and choppy looking like his fathers were, nor were they like his brothers, which whispered kind words to him, but often had a sad look on their face, even behind their smiles. They were beautiful, perfect even. These were the lips that would kiss a child's head as the body tucked them into bed. These were the lips that which would kiss boo-boo's when he would fall down, whisper kind words to him when he got scared of the loud cracks and roars of the rain when it got crazy. They would tell him how much they worried about him when he would climb a tall tree and could barely get down. Above all, they would tell him that they love him and smile at him always.

Slowly, he looked from the chin and the lips to the nose. The nose was slightly pointed, but nothing terribly like a beak. It looked as soft as skin itself. Although there wasn't much to think about a nose, it seemed to complete the man that knelt before him.

Lastly, there were the eyes. Those blue eyes, much like his own, that were as soft as the baby blue sky above. They almost seemed like a fine silk piece of apparel. They were warm, inviting, comforting. They would never let him fall. They weren't icy like his late fathers' eyes at all. These eyes were kind and gentle.

He felt two large hands get placed on his shoulders, "Matthew, your brother wouldn't want you to cry. Everything's going to be alright, okay? You'll have many people watching over you and protecting you."

At last, Matt took the whole face in. This was the face that Matt was longing for. It was THE face. It smiled at him, it kept eye contact, it shared love, and it cared for him. This was love; this was what family was supposed to feel like. This was a father.

Matt could only nod, mesmerized by these facial features. He wanted to smile back. He did smile back. He wanted this man to be his father. He wanted a dad like him. He wanted to be loved at all times, like this man seemed to show for him. But what if it was a façade? What if it was all a trick? No, he helped him when Jamie died. He was there for him. This couldn't be fake, could it?

There was the clearing of a throat and both man and child looked up. Lacy had stood up, "You know Matthew, Mr.…?"

Nicholas stood back up, "I apologize. My name is Nicholas Engarde." He flashed his badge at her and then returned it to his pocket, "I'm an investigator in Matt's case."

Lacy nodded, her mouth forming a small O, "Well, I'd love to leave you two here, but the case was solved, if I do recall, and there is someone here interested in _Matthew_." She placed the emphases on the child's name as if Nicholas had cursed or called him a name instead of the simple nickname.

Nicholas nodded, "I understand ma'am, but I'm not here on duty or for the case. As you said yourself, the case was solved."

She flipped her hair back, which reminded Nicholas of the word _pompous_—meaning she thought she was better than him for taking care of the child when she felt, indeed, that Nicholas and the others ruined _Matthew_ by telling him that his brother was dead—"Well, then, why are you here Mr. Engarde?"

Nicholas smirked, "You said it yourself, ma'am. I'm here to take _Matthew_ home with me."

Matt's eyes widened and sparkled, "You're going to adolfed me?"

Nicholas laughed and that mispronunciation, "If that's alright with you, Matt, I'd love to adopt you."

Matt was practically bouncing in his spot up and down. He couldn't contain himself, he was so happy. It was like something was finally going write in his life. One dream that he wished was finally coming true. It was exciting! It was joyous! It was spectacular!

Lacy stared at Nicholas. Was it possible for him to do that? Could a policeman or an investigator, detective, or whatever he is do that? Could they get involved in with the victims or the witnesses? Surely he had to have permission to do that. She didn't feel right just letting him get his way because he had a badge to flash.

She cleared her throat once again, "Well, we need to go through the paperwork then, Mr. Engarde."

She smiled but Nicholas quickly read that smile. It was one of distrust; irritation. It was clear that this woman didn't like the fact that he was here, which he didn't understand why because that's what is supposed to happen to children in orphanages. They're supposed to be adopted. She couldn't think that she could adopt all the children she came in contact with. She wouldn't be able to take care of them and she or the children would get neglected. This _little girl, _as he was feeling was more appropriate than _ma'am_, was not succeeding at annoying him like she was feeling with him.

It seemed to take a while with all the paperwork, Lacy and her co-workers seemed to be taking their sweet time. Nicholas whole-heartedly believed that Lacy had said something nasty about him and everyone was beginning to doubt his ability as a parent. However, as soon as the others talked to him and they began a conversation while waiting, things sped up. He smirked once when she saw Lacy's irritated glare glance his way. Nicholas simply smiled and waved at her, which made her even angrier.

It was almost an eternity to Matt. He wanted to finally be in Nicholas' car and on the way to a new life. He was bouncing up and down and telling all the workers how excited he was and how much he knew about his soon-to-be father. They all smiled and listened to him. It was always a good feeling to see a child so happy to have a family.

At last, the two were reunited and the women of the adoption agency followed the child out to the car, waving goodbye, giving hugs, and saying kind words to him. Even some of the children did so too. It made Matt sad to see some of the children crying. He knew what they wanted and inside his small heart, he said a small prayer that they would be able to find families too.

Nicholas helped him into the car and then set the child's luggage in the trunk of the car. Settling himself in the driver's seat, Nicholas turned and smiled at the child and ruffled his hair, giving the boy an authentic look of affection which the child had missed in his life.

"You ready to go, Mattie?"

Matt looked up and grinned, happy not only to be with his new father, but that he heard his old nickname again. When he first looked up, he could've sworn he saw James there instead of Nicholas. Either way, the grin couldn't have gotten much better.

Matt nodded, "I'm ready, daddy."

**To Be Continued…**

Authors Note:

I realize that this chapter is shorter than the others but I have been so busy with college and I'm trying to update all of my stories as well as I can. Anyway, the best thing that helped me push this story farther was the fact that I listened to a few songs as it went on. If you would like to listen to them while reading this fanfic, you may. The songs are:

_When You Believe – Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey_

_I'm With You – Avril Lavigne_

_I Learned From You – Miley Cyrus and Billy Ray Cyrus_

_The Climb – Miley Cyrus_

(P.S. I'm not a fan of Miley Cyrus but I like some of her songs. Like maybe 4 of them. Anyway, don't judge me on that, the songs do have a good meaning.)

Humbly,

MelodiousNocturneGirl


	5. Chapter 5

**Finding Matt Engarde**

**Chapter Five:**

**Adjustment**

It was four months down the road and Matt was still having trouble adjusting to the large house that he was to call home-and by large, he meant that it was much bigger than his original house. Walking up the steps of the two story house, you enter into a small hallway that attaches itself to a kitchen area. To the left of the kitchen/dining room was a large living room that held a PlayStation 2 connected to a large flat screen TV. There were two couches, one longer than the other, a recliner, and two side tables with lamps. The carpet was a maroon color with a large navy blue rug in the center. There was a spiral carpeted staircase to the left of the room that led to a guest bedroom that connected to an attic. Matt hardly went up there, scared of the upstairs because it was rather spooky and dark most of the time.

In the downstairs, on the opposite side of the hallway there was a bathroom and two bedrooms, one which Matt now occupied and the other that his new father stayed in. Matt's room was decorated in red, by his choice, and was covered in ninjas and dragons (1). There were many G.I. Joe toys scattered around the room, a black horse sat atop the Superman styled bed, the blanket black with a big red S on the center. A picture was framed on the left wall of both father and son, on the right there was a sliding glass door closet that was filled with neatly hung clothes, a laundry basket, and shoes.

Here, Matt sat now on the floor playing around by him with a large castle and soldiers guarding them from a large toy dragon that sat on top of a chair with a blanket draped over it as a cave. Sound effects were made along the way and vocal parts as the "soldiers" defended the castle from the flaming fireball Cheetos that rained on the castle bellow.

Soon, he grew bored, but was unwilling to make his way to the bedroom/office on the other end of the hallway. Not that his new dad was anything like the older one, but he was still terrified of confronting the adult. He blinked at a toy as he held it in his hands. He wanted to be stronger; he wanted to become someone that mean people feared. He knew that his dad, Nicholas, was feared by the bad guys. He wanted to become just like him. No one would mess with Matt Engarde. No one would cross his path.

He glared at the toy now, pretending it was a bully that was picking on him again. He squeezed the toy and the arms seem to hurt his hand as he did. He frowned at his weak strength and scowled. Then a new thought grew into his mind. This toy wasn't a bully, it was his old dad. He squeezed harder and harder. The harder he squeezed, the more his hand hurt, but that didn't stop the rage. Again, he tried squeezing the toy, and this time, when he squeezed the toy the tears that he had tried suppressing seemed to come out of his eyes.

The rage, the hurt, the fear, the anger, grew until he heard the pop. The head of the action figure had popped off and flown across the room. He stopped squeezing and stared at the head, than at the doll. He glanced back and forth and the down at the body. His father shouldn't have been shot; he should've been hurt worse. He had put Matt through all sorts of Hell and didn't seem to care. He was a wicked man and the wicked deserved to be punished even if it meant that the punishment was worse than death, but torture.

The tears began to well up again and he threw the doll in frustration and let out a cry mixed with a sob. He curled his knees up to his chin and cried into them. His heart pounded at the thought of being back in that house, being back with that man. He then switched over to thinking of how James had died at the hands of that man. This only made him sob louder, which made him even more angry. He wanted to be strong, and strong people didn't cry. He stood and walked to the mirror to look at him. He stared at the crying image, the tears running down his cheeks. Soon, they began to sting on his right side and he winced.

Realizing the pain, he lifted his bangs and gazed into his other half. The scars were still there and still red and sore. It had been such a long time since he had gained them, but they would never go away. He wouldn't let them go away, not at all, never. He needed them as a reminder to stay strong so evil people wouldn't push him around anymore. He reached a small hand up to touch one of the scars. They stung and burned at his touch. He began to scratch at the scabs as if under a spell. Blood began trickling down his cheek and onto the carpet.

Just as he was beginning to realize what he was doing, the door flung itself open. He yelped and back away, toppling over himself.

"Matt! Are you alright?"

Two long legs were kneeling in front of him and two slightly callused hands cupped his face and were staring at his right half. The boy sniffled and whimpered as he stared back. He was picked up and in a blur, was sitting on the bathroom counter and his wounds cleaned.

There was a deep sigh and then he was staring into those eyes again. Those eyes that had grown to love him.

"Matt…" The gentle voice spoke, "I've told you before that you can't keep picking at those scabs. Your wounds won't heal if you keep at it."

The child couldn't bear to look into those eyes when they were filled with worry. He just wanted to become stronger, but it seemed that he became a nuisance quickly. He rubbed his nose with his sleeve and continued to look down at his feet, afraid that once he looked into those eyes, he would see nothing but shame and scorn, not love.

"Matt, look at me."

The voice wasn't commanding at all. It was gentle and kind, still the same as always. But it was sad. Like there was a longing, a pain, behind it all. This voice was also reaching out, because he knew that not only did the voice need him, but he needed that voice besides him. This voice had taken him out of the darkness and led him into the light.

"Matt, please?"

Slowly, the toddler had tilted his head up to look into the eyes that were connected to the mouth that held that beautiful voice. Although worry was in the tone of the voice and it showed in the eyes, they held above all, love.

"You've got to be more careful. I know that scars itch and I know that you're in pain. Especially here."

A hand stuck out and the pointer finger gently touched the center of his chest. His eyes followed and he realized the words had spoken the truth. Matt was hurting, more emotionally than physically. He was torn apart on the inside. But soon-very soon-he would rise above.

"I'm okay…" His voice trailed off and, much to his disappointment, his voice sounded fake and unsure, which is the exact opposite as he wanted it to be.

The figure put two strong hands on his tiny shoulders. He hated the word: Tiny. He hated being weak and he hated being so far away from strong and independent. However, he loved those hands on him. Caring, loving, and never going to hurt him. Those hands would never leave him empty.

"Matthew, don't lie to me."

The child looked back into the eyes. They were still full of love, but were now stern. He flinched as he looked at them, something inside of him afraid, but he tried his best to keep his composure.

"Matthew, you can't hide the anger from me." A deep sigh. "I love you kid, I love you a lot-" He loved those words and he knew that terrible word would you follow. "-but (There it was) you've got to find your safe haven. If you're not happy hear-"

_No, please, don't say that. I love it here, I really do. I just don't know how to show it._ Matt blinked, expecting tears to fall but they didn't. It even surprised him. He wasn't listening to his stepdad anymore; he was racking his mind wondering why on earth the waterworks hadn't started yet. He felt like he needed to cry, but nothing was happening. Maybe if he tried to force them out…no, it might pop his eyes out. That definitely wouldn't be a good day. Who knows what would happen then? Maybe his dad could just pop them back in. Was it that simple or was there something more to body parts? Or were people just like his action figures. Easy to tear apart and easy to rebuild. If that was the case, what was wrong with him? Was he beyond repairable?

"Matt, are you listening to me?"

He blinked and looked up, shrinking away ashamed, "Sorry…"

A gentle smile formed on his new dads face and he chuckled, "Well, I was just rambling then. Maybe I'm turning into an old man."

This made the boy laugh, "You're not old! Elena's old…"

His dad joined the laughter, "She's definitely old in spirit."

"She's no fun at all. I don't like it when she babysits."

His dad took him into his arms and walked into the living room with him, "She's that boring, huh?"

Matt nodded, "I don't know how you deal with her at work."

Laughing again, Nick ruffled his sons hair, "Lots of patience and practice!"

His son giggled and he looked up at him, "Is that how come you're so good with me, because you had to deal with her for so long?"

Chuckling, Nick nodded, "Oh, yeah. But you're better than her by a million times a million."

The boys eyes widened, "That's a lot of millions!"

The father kissed his sons forehead, "You bet your bottom dollar it is. Now look at me, son."

Here comes the lecture again. Matt had to hold in his frustration and guilt as he felt he had upset his dad.

"I know you're upset and I know you pick at the scars because you don't want to forget and it's kind of like for some people listening to certain music when they're upset to make them feel better."

The boy was shocked, but tried his best not to show it. His father knew him well, even for the few months they had known each other.

"We've got to figure something else out though; some other way to channel this anger and sadness and use a different way to collect our cool."

_Our cool._ It affected his dad in more ways than he had thought. What made him really soar was the fact that his dad even wanted to participate in helping him, even though he sought independence like revolutionary America.

"What if I enrolled you in sports? Would you like to play baseball? Basketball? Football? Something?"

Matt thought about it for a few minutes. Baseball was out of the picture, it was just running from one base to another. He found it boring. Basketball was OK and Football was pretty rough for a guy his size. He wanted to prove himself and yes, eventually he would be the best at everything; even all three of those sports, but for now, he needed something different.

"Can I do hockey, daddy?"

Yes, hockey. It was different and it was rough and tough. It was also an acquired skill in the child's eyes. You had to skate and play rough. It was harder than those other sports, as it was on ice. He needed something that was going to build him up to all of those other sports. Plus, he had watched the cartoon and movie of "The Mighty Ducks". It couldn't be _that _hard.

However, his dad didn't seem convinced, "Hockey? Are you sure Matt? That sports a bit tough; maybe we could try the swim team or something a little less…brutal."

But that's exactly what Matt wanted. He needed something harsh that would mold him into someone fearless and feared. That's what he needed to do. Maybe he could do the rodeo! That involved animals, not people. And animals aren't civilized, which would toughen him up even more.

"How about a bull rider?"

His dad got a kick out of that one, "Sorry bucko, but you're a little young to be getting on that bull just yet. You'll end up his dinner if you tried now."

Matt swallowed a large lump. Of course, as a child that hadn't had a great start on education he had no idea if bulls ate meat or not, so maybe bull riding wasn't a good start. How could he be tough if he was dead or injured by a bull. He'd have to tackle that another day for sure.

"Then can I do hockey? Please dad? Pretty please?"

He was hoping he could pull off the pleading eyes look and convince his father of so. He wanted to start out with something tough so that nothing was a challenge for him and soon he could conquer any challenge that came his way.

Nick sighed, "Alright, alright, I'll think about it."

"Yes!" He pumped his fists in the air and jumped off his dad's lap, encouraged by his victory.

"Hey! I said I'd think about it. That's not a yes yet." He smiled and watched the toddler do his victory dance.

Matt giggled and pointed a finger at his dad, "It's not a no either."

…**TBC...**

**A/N: So, I'm getting a better feel on how I want Matt to be thanks to my new good friend Dexter Morgan. For those of you who don't know Dexter, he's the main character of the TV Show "Dexter". P.S. DON'T WATCH THE SHOW! THEY OVER SEXED IT! IT'S TOO NASTY! THE BOOKS ARE SO MUCH BETTER! Anyway, Dexter is also a Sociopath, much like our dear Matthew. After reading the first book, I'm able to understand a Sociopath much better and I can make Matt a better Sociopath than from just playing the game and seeing his change. In actuality, he wouldn't have revealed himself to Phoenix Wright so easily. I've learned a lot from Dex dear. Be expecting more soon!**

**I also know that my chapters have been shorter than that my first two chapters (12 pages verses 6). My only excuse is that when I wrote the first two chapters it was none stop and I was on notepad which doesn't keep up with pages and I was also in bed all for two days due to removing my wisdom teeth. I've been trying to make them longer, I swear!**

**Ninjas and dragons; two things that are from the Jamin' Ninja. I just thought it would be funny to have that twist in there. **


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